WHERE DO I START - Transformation Is the Game Changer | Who You Are Isn’t Who You Have To Be
Welcome back to another episode of Man vs Marriage.
Transformation is the game changer. It’s more than just adding a few disciplines — it’s becoming something new.
In my thirties I was ten years into marriage, had eight kids, and weighed over 380 pounds. I was a broken man, desperately wanting change but with no idea how. I had become comfortably miserable.
Then I took a course called Living Life by Design. When I finished, my defining statement was simple but powerful: “I am a new man.”
There has to be a beginning somewhere. Transformation from the Greek word metamorphoo is a verb — it requires action from you. It addresses the inner man, his thoughts, his operating system.
Discipline over time with consistency can get you part of the way, but the truest transformation I’ve found comes through faith in Jesus Christ.
In this episode I share my personal testimony, how to start the journey even when you feel stuck, the power of surrendering your ambition to God’s good and perfect will, and practical KISS reps to begin becoming the new man today.
Timestamps: 00:00 – Welcome & Intro 00:22 – Opening Monologue: Transformation is the game changer 00:59 – My Personal Testimony (380+ lbs, comfortably miserable) 01:11 – “I am a new man” + There has to be a beginning 01:23 – Metamorphoo explained (verb, action, inner man, operating system) 02:08 – Discipline gets you part of the way, but true transformation comes through Jesus 05:01 – Welcome Back + Why This Episode Matters 06:19 – Testimony vs Told Story / I bled for this 10:03 – Building internal credibility – Can you trust yourself? 12:18 – Making and keeping small promises to yourself 15:27 – Surrender your ambition to God’s good and perfect will 19:03 – Practical reps & KISS principle 22:25 – The impact on family and legacy 29:57 – Call to Action + Becoming Family Famous 32:28 – Final Encouragement
If this episode resonated with you, please share it with another man who feels stuck or comfortably miserable — it could be the beginning he needs.
Visit www.quincymoran.com to explore the full “Where Do I Start?” series, sign up for updates and resources, and get more practical tools for marriage, leadership, and becoming the new man.
Contact me directly: quincy@mvsmpodcast.com
transformation, becoming a new man, personal responsibility, metamorphoo, discipline, faith and change, Quincy Moran, Man vs Marriage
Transcript
Transformation is the game changer.
::This is the Q-Talk with Man Vs. Marriage.
::Quincy,
::how about you stay over the microphone
::this time and I get so excited.
::Okay?
::Is that working for you?
::Transformation in three, two, one.
::Transformation is the game changer.
::It's more than just adding a few
::disciplines.
::It's becoming something new.
::In my thirties,
::I was ten years into marriage.
::I had eight kids and weighed over three
::hundred and eighty pounds.
::I was a broken man.
::I was desperate for change,
::but I had no idea how to do
::it.
::You know what I was?
::I had become comfortably miserable.
::Does that sound familiar?
::Is that an aha moment for you?
::Then I took a course called Living Life
::by Design.
::When I finished my defining statement,
::It was simple, but it was powerful.
::It was this.
::It was, I am a new man.
::Listen,
::there has to be a beginning somewhere.
::And that course was my beginning.
::Transformation from the Greek word,
::it's called metamorpho.
::It's actually a verb.
::It is something that's in motion.
::It requires action from you.
::Here's what it addresses,
::and I've learned this for the longer and
::longer that I do this, sixteen years now.
::It addresses the inner man.
::It addresses his thoughts,
::what I call his operating system.
::Here's a fact.
::Discipline, over time with consistency,
::it will get you part of the way.
::It will help you develop who you are.
::But the truest transformation that I have
::found comes through my faith in Jesus
::Christ.
::And I want to share that with you
::today.
::This is not an episode that I want
::you to miss or that you should miss.
::This is man versus marriage.
::Transformation is the game changer.
::Where do I start?
::Right after this.
::Welcome back to another episode of Man Vs.
::Marriage.
::It is I, your humble servant,
::Quincy Moran, aka the cute dog.
::I'm in the Moran Family Studio.
::Today,
::we are talking about transformation.
::Listen to me.
::If you've got this far,
::here's what I'm asking you,
::whether you're religious or not,
::whether you are a man of faith or
::not,
::I'm asking you to have the courage to
::listen to this episode.
::What I'm going to share with you is
::more of what we've talked about in the
::past.
::This is testimonial.
::This is transformational talking.
::This is coming from the heart because
::what's different than a told story versus
::testimony is I bled for this rather than
::I just read this.
::What I'm talking about today is that third
::level,
::which is I read this and I bled
::this.
::And so that's why it is so powerful.
::That's why I have such a conviction
::because I want to share with you what
::true transformation looks like and how you
::get there.
::I'll do my absolute best to keep it
::as KISS principle as possible.
::Let's keep it super simple.
::And then I'll give you some practical ways
::to get that done.
::And so here are a few things that
::I've learned.
::And I wanna start off with this.
::I wanna reemphasize this is what I really
::should say.
::Every journey begins with the first step.
::That's when the actual journey begins.
::Now, you've gotta think about the journey.
::You've gotta count the cost of the
::journey.
::But it begins really when you take action
::upon something.
::So I think if you have looked at
::this episode, you have found it,
::maybe your wife sent it to you,
::there is a longing in you to relieve
::some kind of pressure.
::There's a longing in you to become the
::man you promised you would be.
::There's a longing in you that there has
::to be something more
::And that relates to your life,
::but also relates to your relationship and
::in your home.
::That's why we're here today.
::And I'm going to share that with you.
::My beginning started with building
::disciplines.
::And I love disciplines because you have to
::do the work.
::It's where you get the opportunity to
::become a man that you can count on.
::That was so big to me in the
::beginning because I was not a man that
::I could count on.
::I made promises to myself,
::but I did not deliver to a very
::high degree.
::So before I could go and ask,
::and this is not something I realized until
::later because I always wanted my wife to
::trust me.
::I wanted my wife to count on me.
::I wanted my kids to trust me.
::I wanted them to count on me.
::But if I couldn't trust me and count
::on me,
::then what business do I have to ask
::them to do it?
::Let that sink in on you because it
::had to sink in in my life.
::So in order to do that,
::what must you do?
::You must begin to make promises and keep
::those promises.
::And if you get really granular with
::yourself,
::I'm not talking about overcritical and
::ripping yourself down and looking at every
::step as if it's a failure.
::I'm asking you to get granular in the
::sense... Actually, let me step that back.
::Get very honest and transparent with
::yourself.
::If you...
::were to ask you to do something,
::would you follow through?
::Like pretend you're a guy who's on the
::outside, you come to you, like for me,
::all right, Quincy,
::here's what I need from you.
::Can I trust you to get this done?
::The man that I was, no.
::I would say the right thing,
::I would want to do the right thing,
::but I had a lack of follow through
::because I had broken so many promises to
::myself.
::So the goal is,
::To become a man that you would trust.
::Would you trust you?
::It is what I call building internal
::credibility.
::That you believe you can count on yourself
::no matter what.
::And that you will do everything you can
::to come through.
::If you don't have that,
::it's time to build it.
::So you have to make small promises to
::yourself.
::And you have to follow through with them
::in order to build it.
::And here's the truth.
::I'm thankful for those difficult days.
::I'm thankful for my failures, my losses,
::because they taught me a lot about myself.
::They located me so that I knew where
::I needed to develop.
::The thing about transformation is,
::is it addresses the inner man.
::It addresses the thoughts and the words,
::because how easy is it to say the
::right thing on the outside,
::but be a critical a-hole on the inside?
::Be talking so much mess about whomever it
::is that you're talking to on the inside.
::What is that quiet dialogue?
::So the inner man says,
::It addresses those thoughts, the words,
::his point of view,
::and what I like to call his operating
::system.
::That's the way that I had to break
::it down for myself.
::I want to change my operating system.
::I'm sick and tired of allowing people to
::set me off and have control over my
::attitude.
::I've got to get that fixed.
::I can't get it fixed until I'm somebody
::that I can trust.
::So discipline over time,
::executed with consistency,
::it can provide a level of transformation.
::But what kind of freedom do you want
::on the inside?
::What kind of connection?
::Do you want to live in liberty?
::Do you want to live according to what
::your purpose is here on this earth?
::Those are questions that you have to
::answer.
::I know for me, I did.
::I simply didn't know how to get there.
::And look,
::I gave my life to Christ when I
::was thirteen years old.
::What did that look like?
::I did not know.
::I didn't know.
::So for me, the truest,
::what I have found,
::And look,
::now it's been thirty five years since I
::gave my life to Christ.
::It's been sixteen years since I started
::this journey in becoming a new man.
::It's been twenty six plus years that I've
::been married.
::I've been a father going on twenty five
::years.
::So take what you will from what I'm
::about to tell you.
::The impact that Jesus Christ has had on
::my life.
::is second to none in my cosmos and
::there are things that i have learned that
::have built a stronger and more bullion
::connection with him in order that i can
::be transformed remember what i told you
::that Graham Cook said.
::This is one of those told stories.
::God's not interested in what you cannot
::do.
::He's interested in what you're willing to
::do.
::And I took that seriously.
::And now I'm living on the other side
::of, I bled for this.
::This is my testimony because I am willing
::to do these things.
::God, if you call me to them,
::I'm willing to do it.
::But there is a process to go through
::with that.
::So my transformation is rooted in Jesus.
::He is where the ultimate metamorphosis
::takes place.
::Some of it is instant.
::Most of it you have to put your
::time and energy into.
::And once it gets to a place and
::you surrender your ambition to his good
::and perfect will,
::transformation takes place.
::Now,
::please excuse me if you hear autism in
::the background.
::We're in quite a season,
::quite a challenging season.
::So if you can, continue on with me.
::Here are two things that I learned,
::and I have a spiritual mentor in my
::life, my cousin Shane.
::He really has taught me about the heart
::of God.
::He has taught me one of the main
::things that we can do,
::and you see it biblically as well.
::One of the main things we can do
::is ask God,
::where is your heart in this situation?
::We have God's word to read how he
::cultivated this life and these covenants
::historically.
::So God,
::where is your heart in this situation?
::And one of the questions in the Bible
::is, Lord,
::who am I and what am I to
::do according to your good and perfect
::will?
::For myself,
::I know that life is about seasons.
::The Bible talks about that.
::The world is formed with that.
::Your life goes in seasons as well,
::I am sure.
::I'm not sure if you've recognized that,
::but it comes and goes in seasons.
::And so there are seasons where you may
::not be able to connect with God like
::you normally do.
::I believe those times are when we are
::building our faith because who needs faith
::in the good times?
::Who needs faith while you're on top of
::the mountain?
::You might say I do, Quincy,
::because I'm afraid to hide some brother
::preach that message because a cute dog is
::the same.
::But I digress.
::So what is it?
::What is the principle that I built today?
::that got me disciplined through until I
::would get through those particular
::seasons.
::Because when those things are happening,
::you're getting closer and closer to
::transforming into the next leg of the
::journey.
::And what is that?
::It's during the tough times when you don't
::know what to do,
::you do what you know.
::And that is your faith-building season.
::And you ask God,
::Lord, where's your heart in this?
::And you sit and you listen.
::So even when you can't hear,
::you move forward.
::When you don't know what to do,
::you do what you know.
::And have faith that you are building more
::faith during the season.
::And then ask, Lord,
::who am I and what am I to
::do?
::Now,
::when you begin to get those answers...
::You begin this piece of your life or
::this transformation with discipline.
::We look at the Bible and we see
::the disciples or the apostles,
::they began with discipline.
::And then what did Jesus do?
::He transformed their life.
::So begin with discipline.
::That's where it starts.
::But as you build that discipline and you
::make these changes consistently and you do
::these things no matter how you feel,
::something begins to take place.
::And that's when I learned.
::It moves from – actually,
::it is in addition to, Lord,
::where is your heart in this situation?
::Because I believe he's faithful to teach
::you that.
::He's faithful to tell you that.
::And when you say, Lord,
::who am I and what am I to
::do?
::I believe he's faithful.
::If you spend time with him there,
::he's going to teach you.
::The next game changer for me came when
::I said, Lord,
::I surrender my ambition to your good and
::perfect will for my life.
::And what does that look like?
::That's something that he will reveal to
::you.
::When I opened that part of my heart
::and I tried to echo,
::I echoed what David said.
::It's like, search my heart, Lord.
::Renew a right spirit within me,
::but I want to open my heart.
::Whatever doesn't belong,
::I pray that you would help me release
::it because my ambition is to do your
::good and perfect will in order that I
::can go out and make the impact that
::Number one, in my family,
::which is my first ministry.
::And number two is in the marketplace where
::I'm out working and connecting the kingdom
::with God's people.
::You do realize that now you, as believers,
::you are the church.
::You are the tabernacle that carries the
::presence of God within you.
::So where you go,
::you take Him with you.
::What does that look like?
::What is the experience that you're
::creating for the people that are around
::you,
::for the people that come into contact with
::you?
::What is the quiet inner dialogue?
::It doesn't have to be perfect,
::but I shoot for excellence.
::That is my standard.
::And I want the dialogue on the inside.
::to match my actions and words on the
::outside that is what transformation is
::about where you can say what you mean
::and mean what you say it doesn't mean
::you don't have to work some things out
::it doesn't mean you don't get angry it
::doesn't mean you don't get frustrated it
::doesn't mean that you don't fail but what
::it means is you are subjecting yourself
::You're subjecting your life, your will,
::your purpose,
::your ambitions for what you were created
::to do.
::And I believe he created you for something
::great.
::Does that mean you'll stand on stage and
::speak to millions?
::I don't know,
::but you don't have to do that to
::be great.
::Think of the impact that you have on
::your family when you are loving,
::when you are leading,
::when you are nurturing them,
::when you have an outstanding connection
::with your wife and you're pouring
::mentorship and connection into your
::children and you are expanding your
::legacy.
::Like you're changing the path of your
::legacy.
::That outlives you for such a long time.
::And that is what is possible for you.
::So some of this comes by discipline.
::Some of this transformation comes by
::deliverance and by him setting you free.
::I'm going to give you a quick story.
::know i've talked about it before in this
::program if you're new to the program i'll
::tell you this my heart's desire is to
::do god's good and perfect will that's
::nothing new because i just told you that
::but i want to go out and i
::want to speak publicly on stage to reach
::and connect and to build the kingdom of
::god i want to go out and talk
::about leadership i want to go out and
::talk about connection i want to go out
::to places
::and speak.
::I believe that is my calling along with
::this podcast.
::The thing is,
::is that I didn't believe I could be
::influential because I'm not wealthy.
::I don't have millions of dollars in the
::bank.
::I have tried and true
::A tried-and-true relationship that's been
::battle-tested with my wife that I would
::argue is so much stronger than money,
::but I can't write a relationship check and
::pay the power bill.
::And I was tying credibility to wealth,
::one of those things that we –
::do all too often and look i do
::i want wealth i'm going to do my
::best to earn wealth because i believe
::wealth gives you influence and then you
::can do great works on behalf of the
::kingdom of god but there's also another
::reason that i'm going to earn wealth i
::have two children that are dependent upon
::me and genie and once we pass they're
::going to need care
::And that care is expensive.
::And they're both moderate to severe
::autistic children.
::They're adults now,
::but they're going to need – so it's
::incumbent upon me to make sure that their
::future is secure until their time on this
::earth is over and they move to the
::next life.
::I can't do that with what I'm making
::now.
::So if I go out and exercise and
::put the work in,
::then I can start to build this business.
::I can start to build this organization
::that Jeannie and I are working on so
::that we can go out and share what
::we've learned and exchange that time for
::money.
::So with that being said,
::I don't have millions of dollars in the
::bank.
::And I was talking to my cousin Shane
::and my cousin Michelle,
::and we were talking about why I didn't
::feel confident,
::like why I had no credibility because I
::was tying credibility to money.
::Now,
::I'm not out there speaking about building
::wealth.
::I'm speaking about building relationships.
::I'm speaking about building leadership
::with you in your home and with your
::family.
::And the next day,
::Michelle called and left me a voicemail.
::I just wasn't able to talk because I
::was in a meeting.
::I called her back.
::And this profoundly changed my life,
::and this was transformative.
::And I believe Jesus really taught Michelle
::something,
::and she was kind enough to teach that
::to me, and it was this.
::She said, Hey, Quincy, what if Jesus –
::relied on his pocketbook for credibility
::before he started his ministry.
::And it wrecked me.
::It absolutely wrecked me.
::I can't remember if I laughed first or
::if I cried first,
::or maybe it was both at the same
::time.
::But I said, you know what?
::That is so true, Lord.
::And Lord, who sent you?
::And who backed you to make your message?
::So who sends me?
::And because I believe he is sending me,
::he is orchestrating these things.
::He is providing these opportunities for me
::to go and to speak to you both
::through this podcast and out in public.
::My heart is to deliver his message to
::you.
::And it set me free.
::And it wrecked me for about two weeks.
::It was one of the most transformational
::moments of my life to know that my
::credibility does not have to be tied to
::money,
::but my credibility can be ordained by Him
::who sent me.
::And what I am telling you,
::what I teach you,
::what I endeavor to go and speak to
::you is testimonial.
::Testimony on the sense that I bled for
::this.
::This is what I have lived.
::This is what I have learned over the
::course of sixteen or more years.
::And I'm coming to you to deliver that
::to you to say it's not about what
::you can't do.
::It's about what you're willing to do.
::And if you're willing to start the
::journey.
::It changed my life.
::This entire endeavor has changed my life.
::Through transformation,
::we reconcile the lies in our past.
::We reconcile our limiting beliefs.
::We resolve our resentments,
::and we become the man we promised that
::we would be.
::This is the true opportunity that
::transformation presents to us in the body.
::in the mind, in the soul,
::in the spirit.
::I had to stand in front of a
::room of my peers with that declaration
::statement at the end of that living life
::by design.
::And I had to say it over and
::over again until the entire room of people
::believed that I meant it.
::And I believed it.
::Before I could see it,
::I believed it because I had come to
::understand that who I was is not who
::I had to be,
::that I didn't have to be defined by
::my past.
::That could actually be reconciled.
::And then I could go and I could
::make the biggest impact where it mattered
::most, and that was under my own roof.
::And that's what I'm here to lead you
::in and what I'm here to teach you
::in.
::And what I'm asking you to have the
::courage to believe in.
::It's possible.
::Transformation is possible.
::As I roll this one up,
::if you don't know Jesus Christ,
::I want to offer you the opportunity to
::invite Him into your life.
::Whether you've ever read the Bible or you
::haven't,
::Here's what the Bible tells us in Romans
::ten nine.
::I'll paraphrase it.
::It says,
::if you confess with your mouth that Jesus
::is Lord and you believe that he was
::raised from the dead.
::Then you will have your salvation.
::So I invite you to confess that wherever
::you are.
::And to believe that in your heart,
::even though you haven't seen it yet.
::And then we will take this journey
::together.
::Because transformation,
::I'm telling you from experience,
::it's the game changer.
::There is nothing like it.
::God bless you.
::Thank you very much for being here.
::I want to thank my dogs for barking
::like crazy.
::I want to invite you to email me.
::Quincy.
::at mvspodcast.com.
::Thank you so much.
::Until the next time,
::my name is Quincy Moran.
::This is Man Vs. Marriage, the podcast.
