Silent Expectations

Silence Expectations are killers to relationship.


"No Expectations, No Disappointments"

"Sometimes we create our own heartbreaks though exceptions."

"Expectation is the mother of all frustration."

This is what Expectations do:

When I put an expectation on someone, I am setting them up for failure and setting myself up for disappointment or frustration.

What Expectations have you put on someone?

When you have expectation that are not spoken you are setting someone up that has no idea what's going on inside of you.

You are expecting them to fulfill that expectation without anything being uttered.

When that is not fulfilled you feel disappointed, or you voice that they have hurt your feelings.

When all of this is unspoken, silence is not golden. Silence reeks havoc on relationships.

No one knows what you are thinking.

No one knows where you are at in your thought process.

Communication is key.

When we don't express what's going on inside of you, you get pissed off, you are moody, treat people like crap, have a attitude, you pout all of this is happening within yourself.

This happens quite frequently in marriages, we have these unspoken Expectations. We develop them through how we see our parents function within their home. Our relationship we have with our siblings.

Growing up with three brother, I am the only girl. In my house boys were the ones to take out the trash. That's just how it was. That's what I was taught.

So when I got married, I had this unspoken expectation that my husband takes out the trash. I never voiced it him I would only say, when are you going to take out that trash? He would look at me quite perplex.

I my head, that's what boys do.

I know this may sound pretty stupid, petty or a bad example. However, we do this kind of stuff on a daily bases to our spouse and expect them to know what we are thinking. Expecting them to be mind readers.

We can go to different levels of unspoken expectation, how someone is suppose to

Act-Think-Feel-Response this list can go on and on. Whenever that person doesn't fulfill that expectation for you, you are left with such disappointment.

Just a question:

Why do you think we have these unspoken Expectations?

What's going on inside of you that you are not voicing these thoughts or expected?

Have you given yourself permission to voice what you need?

When we grow up in a home where you were never given the opportunity to use your voice or in a environment to share from your heart what you need. It becomes a foreign thing when you get in a relationship. If someone was to ask you, what do you need? Most of us really don't know what we need because that part of us wasn't developed or spoken to. When you ask, what do you need, they honestly can't answer cause they don't know.

Give yourself permission to voice what it is you need. It is not a sign of weakness. It allows your partner to see what is going on inside of you. It give them the ability to show up in your life in how you would need them to.

There is a heathy way to discuss your needs that you have. This is what I need from you.......... When you start voicing those needs you start narrowing down those unspoken expectation. You are no longer keeping those to yourself, you are beginning to voice those things that are going on inside of you.. it's putting voice to those things. You are allowing your partner to show up in those areas.

Life is so busy. Life goes by so fast. We need to allow ourselves to voice to each other what's going on inside of us. What you are thinking. Where you are at right now. It is taking the time to check in with each other and see what they need.

Things to ask yourself:

Why do I have these unspoken expectation?

Where are they coming from?

Are these expectation something I have been taught through my parents?

Is this something I want to continue?

Let's be honest we all have Expectations, however when they are silence and you bring that into a marriage and that's how you function. It sets you up for failure, disappointment and heartbreak.

Ask yourself those questions I asked earlier and really give yourself permission.

I will leave you with this

When your outlook stops for perfection in that person, then you begin to allow them to be them.

Quite looking for perfection

Accept who they are.

Tune in to Episode #11

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