Every relationship is different.
Every relationship is unique.
What works for one, may not work for others.
It is having a understanding and knowing we are all different and unique.
We all know it is common knowledge that Men are different than Women. There is a lot of information out there how Men & Women are different. You can go to Google and find out.
My question is:
Have we ever taken the time to figure out the differences?
Have we taken the time to ask our spouse, what they think, how they feel, what is their take on things etc…………
Instead of having the attitude, this is how I think, this is how I am.
Why don’t you try to open yourself up to asking your spouse,
I know you don’t think like me so what was your take on our conversation.
You will learn so much.
It takes simple questions in order to enlighten you on how your spouse thinks.
I understand that Men and Women are wired differently, however, I want you to go a little deeper in your conversation and see what exactly what your spouse is thinking, feeling and believing.
Put some work into understanding where they are coming from.
Knowing they don’t think like you, and that is OKAY!
Just because we are wired differently doesn’t mean One is better than the other or One is smarter,
It is just we are different.
We are in this together.
It is having the ability to accept differences.
Sometimes it may feel a little intimidating to accept someone’s differences. Someone who feels, thinks, acts and believes different than you. Especially if you are not confident in these things. We may feel we are losing ourselves instead of having the freedom to allow someone to be themselves around you.
Don’t fall into the trap of comparison or the attitude of hierarchy of who’s better than who. Instead, have Acceptance..
Why do we try and change our spouse to be like us?
Instead of embracing their uniqueness, because that is probably why you were attracted to her/him in the first place.
How do we address this instead of trying to change it?
As you are thinking about this, take yourself back to that moment you meet your spouse.
Why were you attracted to them?
Why were you drawn to them?
Sometimes I think we need to allow ourselves to go back to those moments and see WHY you chose her/him.
When we do this it gives us a appreciation for our spouse.
We forget as years go by and life happens. Take time out and remember those moments when you first meet. You will find that its their uniqueness and differences that you loved about them.
Capture those moments
Remind your spouse.
It creates an atmosphere of giddiness.
It reminds you how madly in love you were.
Your first love.
Don’t lose sight of this.
Go back to the beginning
So you can figure out the future.
When we learn acceptances when we embrace our differences it creates a new way of moving through our relationship.
When you have the ability to accept your spouse for who they are, how they think, it puts off so much disappointments on your part. You begin to see that they are not thinking like you or how it is that you thought they should do something.
If we feel it wasn’t our way or how we thought they should be. We allow ourselves to get mad, frustrated and disappointed.
All those things will go away once we get acceptances and understanding of our spouse.
One thing I have learned through the years, What you don’t understand, you tend not to value.
So, if I don’t understand where my wife or husband is coming from I am not going to value that persons thoughts, feelings etc…..
When it comes to acceptances,
You can’t give what you don’t have.
If you don’t acceptance yourself
believe in yourself
If you don’t have these things for yourself, how do you think you are able to give it to others?
There is a process for you to look at and ask yourself,
Do I accept myself
believe in myself
Do I accept me for me or who I have become?
If these statements are not true in your life, how can you give this to other? In order for people around you to be themselves you have to own it for yourself.
When we don’t have theses abilities we have underlining factors that play a role in your behavior.
Low self esteem
Poor self image
What we tend to do is create a cohesive environment that surrounds these behaviors so we can function. The one who screams loudest is usually the one who gets their way. These are all out of fear and insecurities. If one person in the relationship is dealing with these behaviors, they will try and change their spouse to make them feel how they are feeling so it is cohesive with those feelings they are feeling. You have to become aware of how well you know yourself. Do you have these behaviors that control and manipulate your relationships? Work on these so it doesn’t dictate your relationship.
Apply acceptance and value to your relationship and see the changes that happens.
It all starts with you!