Vulnerability

Vulnerability. Say what!? For all too long in my life being Vulnerable or putting myself out there was a no
no. Now don’t get me wrong I overextended myself in putting myself out there for helping others but
not sharing my deep dark fears frustrations insecurities etc. I think it came from an early age in my first
decade alive that showing any of these attributes or feelings is a sign of weakness for guys. Sports in
general, especially for me in football, baseball, wrestling the locker room even in the work place are no
place for vulnerability or you will simply get devoured, that in unto itself is a sport. Like a pack of coyotes
one sign of weakness and you become the object of everyone’s aggression, for fun. At least that was
sure my perception and well, more authentically my experience circa de fat kids r us that probably
scared me for the better part of 2 decades. While I do see there being a place to develop some of these
abilities to “Man up” and get the job done, its takes finesse and experience to know when to show some
vulnerability and when not too. You may notice in the words preceding these earlier in this very
paragraph I made the comparison or rather connected vulnerability to weakness, for far too long that
was a filter I saw life through.

I being a ball of gregariousness you may think that I would have no objection to opening up that though
couldn’t be farther from the truth. I consider myself an authentic person, however I was wearing a mask
because I didn’t want to burden anyone with my fears or concerns. I have always been fine with you
sharing your burdens with me, however I refused to accept pity, matter of fact I way overcompensated
and went out of my way not in efforts not to receive any. It was to a fault, I came across closed off to the
wrong people, one most importantly being my wife, that was a side of me she needed to see and
because she didn’t she felt alone in some very important areas. Being vulnerable requires such a great
level of trust, and if you couple that with the lion’s den aforementioned in paragraph one there is little
desire to put one’s self out there especially if you’ve been bitten in past experiences.

It’s not until I began to realize that being vulnerable with my wife (whom I trusted more than
anyone in this world) painted me as a stronger man, and I wonder how this is. All I can say on this side of
things is it takes time to develop this area of yourself and ensuring your wife knows in a very diplomatic
way that when you are testing the potential unchartered waters of this area it’s very important that this
information be protected. I can’t necessarily say that your wife will know this automatically, Jeanne got
the scoop in our marriage counseling sessions and I gave her the opportunity and she came through. As
your relationship progresses you will find the opportunity to open this area of your life for business.
What are your challenges when it comes to vulnerability? How about your past experiences? Would you
like some advice on how to approach this area of your relationship? Email us
manvsmarriagepodcast@gmail.com , let us know how we can help. More to come on this I am certain as
we ended up renaming these episodes of the podcast to “How to get laid” oh, did I mention there is a
tremendous benefit for us guys in building our relationship with vulnerability.

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