Where Do I Start? Pt. 2

The way I am wired I feel it necessary to recap any time I am following along whether it’s a podcast or a YouTube channel I’m following even someone’s book I am reading. So with that, Taking personal responsibility is all about starting at home (or with you). We’ve all had the pleasure of “THAT FRIEND” that reads the latest parenting book or who hears some new Tony Robbins quote and has to run out and just machine gun everyone in site with facts about this all new cutting edge diet, exercise, or financial information that is crucial to YOUR life and what YOU should be doing!  I am not sure I know anyone who has earned the Offender Badge of disservice award more often than I because I AM THAT GUY…. At least I used to be. The fact is when you champion every new cause as described above instead of running the pilot program on yourself and running through the challenges they present, instead of running to you people (even though they love you) start to tune you out. I have learned from the benefit of time and experience that starting with me, like using this new information I’ve collected and applying to myself first, then I will have some experience to pass along instead of book knowledge. Don’t be that guy, it gets lonely.

I knew after I had decided to take responsibility for my actions and the way I was living that it was time for me to take inventory and decide what I had on hand and what I needed to replace. Sometimes if we aren’t careful we can look at the situations and/or circumstances in our life and ask “why are these things happening to me” instead of “what decisions have I made to put myself in this position and how can I change the outcome of the future. I am a firm believer that the past can be a compilation of lessons we use to direct our future. Thing is though; if we don’t look at where we are or place blame on others we can’t begin to change authentically. I spent many years as the “Underdog” I didn’t realize it was largely disguised as a victim mentality. This is not to discount the very difficult things we face in this life, mostly though I found for my life it’s not what happen to me but how I respond to what happens, especially with those things that aren’t in my control.

When going through the exercise of taking inventory of your life keep an eye out for cycles. Situations that keep reoccurring in your life that you can’t seem to get over. These are areas of your life where you may have opportunity to grow. If these issues remind you of yoyo dieting then begin to dig in, if you have a question reach out to us manvsmarriagepodcast@gmail.com I’m sure we can give some helpful perspective regarding your discovery. A piece of advice, when you begin discovering things about yourself both good and bad, give yourself a break and realize you’re in a great spot because you’ve decided it’s time for a self-directed upgrade.

I know for me I certainly had some areas that I was living the victim lifestyle over, I wouldn’t admit it because I’m a dude and we are too tough for that, what I would do was to joke about it at my wife’s expense and painfully I might add. This was me making her pay for a disappointment in my life and I was relentless in it because it hurt me so badly, mind you my fellow man this is not a one and done exercise. There are goodies hiding under the bed, trust me the farther you go the easier it will be to identify them and begin the process to transform in these areas. Heck you might even ask what’s in this for me…. My MAN! The fruits of this labor are infinite starting with that inner convo you have running through your head, your secret insecurities as well as the benefits at bed time with your wife. Remember we gotta play the long game and this is all building so just stick with us.

So to finalize this introductory re-cap take responsibility for what you say, it is vital (and I will be Mr. Redundancy) we read the expression of the person we are speaking to and if it looks odd or volatile for that matter ASK THE QUESTION “What did you hear me say” ? Re-evaluate the reason you are fighting, is it to be right or for WHAT is right? Make no mistake we all fight but you must understand what you are fighting for in order to grow. So now for the blog with in the blog: How did we get here, there will be some areas of positive re-enforcing here. For the sake of all that is good I encourage you to embrace it, if you get frustrated just refer back to the Rule of Seven and cut me some slack ☺…

As a friendly disclaimer to those of you Men that have that have come back for another blog! Thank you! There will be lots of useful and I will even say life changing advice coming through these blogs and podcast episodes for example asking your wife “WHAT DID YOU HEAR ME SAY” and then working on what you say being exactly what she heard, that is the key to victory It is not what you say it is what the other person heard. With all this awesome advice please do me a favor, put it in to practice in your everyday life and try really hard not to spring it on or lecture others about it, especially until you’ve put it in to practice for 30 or 60 days in your own life and have some solid improvement you can point towards, I am not saying don’t share it just don’t impose it. In the past I have been SO BAD AT THIS ADVICE that’s why I’m giving it. SO the question in this blog is, how did we get here? I guess the first question is truly where is here?

There here I am referring to simply stated is on the path to a better marriage, a better father, a better friend and mostly of all a better me… It’s called a decision. Its living life on purpose. It’s being very intentional about how you roll in life. It is being willing to believe that you can be better than you are right now. It is an understanding that you can become the Hero of your own story and the Hero to your wife and your children. It is truly understanding and accepting the responsibility that you take full advantage of all this life has to offer. It is no longer taking the victims mentality of why things are the way they are. The “why does this always happen to me”? Taking life and its circumstances and making all the negatives that happen in life and thinking life has it out for you. It is embracing the understanding that life happens and other people’s choices, my choices etc. affect our lives. Understanding why I do what I do then making the choice to improve and accept nothing less than your best, time is short and there aren’t any guarantees in life so I will live my life on purpose and I will inspire and motivate those around me to become better than they thought they could be. So on behalf of yourself, find out where your “HERE” is and decide to improve and get better. No matter where you are just decide to become a better Man. Be a man that you would be proud of especially when no one is looking.

One of the examples that stands out to me about becoming better came from a song. Every time the song came on I would just sing away, I love that song to this day and, when it comes on the radio and it still hits me like a low blow. The song: Brad Paisley –“Remind Me” sang with Carrie Underwood. I remember having the thought “I love this song, thankfully it doesn’t reflect my marriage… DOES IT? So how does one go from questions during a country music song in the car to a marriage podcast? It’s gravity, no not definition #1, it’s the secondary definition:

  1. Extreme or alarming importance; seriousness.

I remember the discussion we had, my wife and I that is after we decided to it was a done deal, we were going to follow through with marriage counseling, (being a football coach I always preferred the term “Marriage Coaching” it felt more acceptable to me and I knew the impact I had on my players if they were willing to put the action, time, and effort into what I saw in them as potential) The idea was simply this “We had a Good marriage, but we never signed up for a Good marriage we signed up for Amazing. It was the natural or, obvious decision to go full throttle into this marriage coaching adventure. It was also a deal maker seeing the progress my wife was making with this one on one coaching. My wife and I would talk about her coaching sessions and Rita would give her homework, naturally I would have some involvement because I was part of the homework.

Whether it’s good or bad the happenings around me I use as opportunities to grow and develop myself as a man and I certainly hope you do also. I would love to hear from you! Email us at manvsmarriagepodcast@gmail.com when was it that you finally realized things weren’t where you had hoped and you decided to take responsibility for your actions and begin the quest to change. –Roll Tide ☺


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