Where Do I Start?

Firstly ( if that’s a real word ☺ and no I am not going to good it to check) If you take a minute or two to look at your life and can pick out an area or two that you would be happier or more fulfilled if it improved that’s where you start, by the way I googled firstly and it is a real word (fist bump). Mine goes back a few years and gets more interesting each time I talk/write about it. Wonder why? Yeah me too, from my current vantage point I see more and more as I look back how deep my not good enough roots ran. I am a firm believer the past can be a great teacher, I think for too long it was the proverbial prison for me. So here goes everything! Thanks for taking the time to read, I look forward to hearing from you email us manvsmarriagepodcast@gmail.com.

Standing in front of a room full of people in a course called living life by design, a nearly 400lb grown man stood crying ridden with shame self-ridicule and wounds from a lifetime of mountain top highs and ocean floor lows. Devoid of worth based in failures and a line of bad luck the likes of Best Buy pre black Friday sale. That Man? Me, prior to that moment I hadn’t put much if any thought to where I was and how I had gotten there. Not where I was physically as much as mentally and emotionally.  I had spent what seemed like my life time working on my physical state but my mental and emotional state… was this a thing? Yes, in fact it was a thing and it sparked something in me. (Stick with me here, in order to know where I’m going it’s important to know from whence I came)Thus began my adventure of self-development. It has totally changed my life and the way I approach this game called life. The idea that I could redesign my mental game to become more than I was had such a profound effect on me that day. Coming to the knowledge that life’s circumstances like divorce, separation, and rejection had shaped me early on in life. If you think about life as a tool box and these circumstances and experience as tools that you acquire as part of your life experience, I was busy trying to be an auto mechanic with a toolbox full of carpenter’s tools. Now, this is not to say life was all bad, it just seems the bad experiences seem to have been the most impressionable, and I began to see a pattern or cycles that seemed to repeat themselves much like my weight had been up and down. I had some really great times in my life up to this point some of which we will surely get to as this experience moves along.

So how exactly is this introduction relevant to the questions posed? There I was, married for several years to an amazing woman, a house full of children, 8 to be exact, a full time job, also coaching football working on a clothing line and shuffling the idea restarting a radio show I had been a part of in the past needless to say life was full, at the time I was unaware that I was running both from and to something and I was blind to it. Although these modules ( 3 in all) got me on the road to self-development, it wasn’t until a Marriage course at my home church that really helped me understand that this self-development/improvement adventure had more opportunity than I was truly aware of.

As time advanced my wife had decided to do some one on one coaching with Rita (my cohost on the Man vs Marriage podcast), I had begun to see areas in my wife that began to change as a result of this coaching. I had gotten to stopping point and it was suggested that she could not move any further ahead in the process unless we joined forces and I attended the sessions. Why would I though, as I write this and think back to an example that helped me decide I remember quite clearly, the question was posed at our Marriage course, Wife’s and Husband score your marriage individually from 1-10. I scored a 7 she scored a 5. Looking back I know my wife loved me, that hard truth was, although she loved me tremendously she didn’t like me and for good reason. I offended myself at that realization. I had flashbacks to a night we shared with my wife sitting with me in the living room sobbing pleading with me that she needed me at home to raise our children saying “I can’t do this by myself anymore”, I sat there looking at her sobbing, as the lump in my throat began to swell while at the same time my foot began a northern decent getting ever closer to my mouth as I formulated my response to her declarations. In one of the more impressive moments in my 30 something years on this planet I refrained from verbalizing my initial thoughts, being this “I made a commitment to those boys and coaches on the football team THEY NEED ME”. In that moment, I was able to take a step back and see how incredibly misguided I had become. Thankfully my foot never arrived at its northern destination, that of course being my mouth, I didn’t speak those words to my wife but, hearing them in my own mind that day shocked me. I finally began realizing all I had put in front of the most important commitment I had made in my life. That made the decision to join my wife in Marriage coaching all that much easier and am I sure glad that I did. It was that group of experiences that lead to me deciding it was time I take responsibility for myself mentally/emotionally as well as my part in our relationship. It was time to develop my philosophy and become the best version of me for my wife and family. It is what I call “LIVING LIFE ON PURPOSE”. Now that you know where this began for me, can I be so bold as to ask you to do something similar and look over your life and marriage. I am sure you love your wife, but… do you like her? Does she like you or; are you roommates? Yeah I get it that’s a crappie thing to think about however, if you’re interested in becoming better than you are now, you might as well take the plunge. Here is my question how can we help? Thanks for reading!


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