“The Path of Least Resistance Leads to Regret: Stop Choosing Comfortable Misery”

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The path of least resistance in three,

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two, one.

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The path of least resistance,

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where does that lead?

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Misery?

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Does it create mediocrity?

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I'm here to tell you that it does.

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And you and your family deserve better.

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Misery and disappointment can become

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strangely comfortable.

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Human beings adapt,

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or what I call acclimate,

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to some sort of misery and disappointment.

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We settle into a pattern that keeps us

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comfortably miserable because the price of

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change feels too high.

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But the truth is,

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both paths require suffering.

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One path leads towards growth and

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opportunity.

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The other leads towards regret.

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And the debt of regret can become very

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hard to satisfy.

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So I'll say this one more time.

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The path of least resistance leads to

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regret.

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And that's what we're going to talk about

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today on Man Vs. Marriage, the podcast.

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Welcome back to another episode of Man Vs.

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Marriage.

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It is I, your humble servant, the Q-Dawg,

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aka, in some circles, the Q-Diggity-Dawg.

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And this is probably the only circle where

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I'm known like that.

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What is up, everybody?

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How are you doing?

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Today,

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we're going to talk about the path of

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least resistance.

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That's what you heard in my cold open

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today.

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And where does that lead?

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It doesn't only lead to regret,

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but it leads to mediocrity.

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And that, my friends,

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is an issue because it means that you

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are leaving your potential on the table.

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It means that you are not honoring the

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gift of life that you've been given every

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day in improving yourself to become the

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man that God created you to be.

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Now, let me tell you this.

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All too often, like in this life,

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it seems like everything is about making

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us more and more comfortable.

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You ever wonder why that is?

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Probably a conversation for another day.

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But it's all about how comfortable can you

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be?

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How can you reduce your stress?

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How can you take the worry out of

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your life?

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And over time,

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being so comfortable makes you soft.

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I like to say it in this way.

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Too often,

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we find ourselves doing what's easy rather

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than doing what's necessary.

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And that leads us to mediocrity.

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We continue to drift.

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We justify why we don't need to do

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these things to live the example in front

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of our family.

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might sound pretty harsh and guess what it

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is how do i know this stuff because

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i used to be that man so i

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can tell you with great conviction the

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path of least resistance still has

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suffering in it even though it feels like

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it does you don't suffer as much right

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now i'm going to read that cold open

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again because i want you to hear it

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for a maybe a third time misery and

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disappointment

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can become strangely comfortable.

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It is so crazy how we start to

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surrender our authority as men.

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And when I talk about our authority,

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I don't mean we stop walking around

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telling everybody what to do because we're

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the master and commander of our ship.

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That's not what it is.

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Your authority is a conviction that you

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walk in as you are the leader of

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your home.

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If you gotta walk around and tell

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everybody you're the leader,

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let me tell you,

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I'm gonna key you in on a little

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secret.

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You're not the leader.

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But it's something that once you begin to

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surrender your authority,

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your family begins to lose trust in you,

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whether they talk about it out loud or

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not,

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because you are not a man that trusts

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himself.

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So how can a man who doesn't trust

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himself

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ask his family to trust him.

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It doesn't work out.

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And it says here, human beings adapt.

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And look,

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I've said this in other episodes,

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but it's such a shining example.

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For me, how long was it?

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Seventeen years I dealt with a bum knee.

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It got better and then it got worse.

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It got better and it got worse.

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And at thirty years old, the doctor said,

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if you weren't so young,

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I'd replace your knee today because of how

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much arthritis you have.

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So what did I do?

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I just adapted to the pain.

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And as I got older,

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like a decade went by,

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that knee started getting worse.

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And as I, the next five years,

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that knee started getting to a point where

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it was like unbearable.

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And the year before I had my knee

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replaced, I was in so much pain.

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I couldn't even lay my leg flat in

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order to sleep because the pain was too

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much.

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So what did I do?

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I found ways to adapt to the pain.

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And you might say, well, Quincy,

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you just talked earlier about we're trying

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to be too comfortable.

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Well, let me tell you, chronic pain,

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you're not trying to just be comfortable.

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You're trying to get your life back.

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So those two worlds do not collide.

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In this instance,

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let's talk about my health.

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What got me to the point where I

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was almost four hundred pounds,

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I was over three hundred and eighty bills.

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It was the path of least resistance

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because I found myself in a place where

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I had become hopeless.

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I was tired of trying.

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I didn't believe it was possible.

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So I surrendered.

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I gave up.

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After I gave up, I said,

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you know what?

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I'm not going to worry about what I

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eat.

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I'm just going to let bygones be bygones.

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It'll be what it will be.

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And from there,

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I soared into the upper three hundreds.

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And I was incredibly unhealthy.

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And I had to come to the point

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and say, look, you have a wife,

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you have eight kids, you've made promises,

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and you are not coming through for you.

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So at what point are you going to

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take your authority back?

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And that authority has to do with how

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you govern your life.

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What set of principles and values do you

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live by?

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So if you don't have that set of

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principles,

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if you don't have that set of values

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and your words and your actions are not

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aligning,

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It's very likely that you are on the

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path of least resistance,

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and that is not going to lead you

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to becoming the man you promised that you

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would be.

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Why am I so intense about this?

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Because I know the value in being both.

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I know the feeling in being both.

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How do I know that?

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Because I used to be you.

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So I had to come to a point

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where I stopped doing what was easy.

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And I needed to do what was necessary,

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even though it was uncomfortable,

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in order to become the man I wanted

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to be and for the greater good of

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myself and my family.

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And pain is involved when it comes to

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change.

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Pain is involved when it comes to growth.

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Suffering can be involved.

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But the fact is,

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whether it's the path of least resistance

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or the path to your purpose,

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there's going to be suffering either way.

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Let me get through this cold open again.

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Let me finish getting through that,

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I should say.

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We settle into patterns that keep us

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comfortably miserable.

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Isn't that a crazy thing?

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When I was working on this show,

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the phrase comfortably miserable sounded

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so familiar because that used to be me.

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We feel like the price of change is

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too high.

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I think one of the greats said this

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the best, Tony Robbins.

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We associate pain with the pain of what

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is this going to take rather than

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associating the greater pain of what

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happens if I don't take this action.

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I got to tell you,

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that changed my life completely.

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I mean, that...

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Switching that frame of mind really

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changed me as a person.

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I adapted it very quickly.

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And so to reiterate,

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the truth of this is that both paths

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lead to suffering.

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One path leads towards growth and

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opportunity.

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The other one leads towards regret.

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Here's something I wrote right before the

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show.

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I know it sounds a little bit like

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Dr. Seuss, but stick with me, please.

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The debt of regret can become very hard

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to satisfy because when you satisfy a

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debt, that means you have paid it off.

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And the deeper you get into regret,

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the harder it is to climb out of

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that hole.

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So I want to make sure that you

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understand what is at stake here.

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Men tend to adapt quickly.

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to disappointment and begin to settle.

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Whatever it is,

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and I've talked to you in other episodes

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about how closely akin anger and

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disappointment are.

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Disappointment

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The reaction to disappointment is much

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like anger,

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but we don't realize that we're just

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extremely disappointed about a

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circumstance and we don't know how to

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process that.

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And I know process is a word that

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has become very popular lately,

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but the fact is,

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is you have to learn how to work

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through your disappointment.

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You have to learn how to march through

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or how to process those things so the

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residue doesn't stick around and you don't

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punish the people in your life because of

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your disappointment.

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The familiar sufferings become easier than

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meaningful change, but that is a facade.

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That's like a false reality because the

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truth is, since they both hurt,

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one of them is going to be worth

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the suffering and one of them is not.

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Now,

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here's another key factor that happens

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when we begin to settle with this

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comfortable misery is that our ambition

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starts to fade.

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And that becomes difficult.

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Whenever you accept that path of least

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resistance,

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your healthy ambitions start to dwindle.

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And now you have no desire.

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You have no hope of actually improving

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yourself and stepping forward and stepping

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into the plan and purpose for your life.

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And I want to tell you this,

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life is about who you are becoming.

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I love what Ed Milet says.

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This is another thing that changed my

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life.

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He said,

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when I get to heaven and God or

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Jesus introduces me to the man I was

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supposed to be here on earth,

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I want to meet an identical twin.

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In the book of Ephesians,

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even though it may be slightly out of

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context, it talks about this.

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It talks about...

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God preordained or he created good works

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for you to walk in.

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See,

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he created a purpose and a plan for

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your life.

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You have an option whether to take action

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and walk in those things or not.

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And so there are people out there who

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are waiting on you to achieve these great

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things because you are there to make an

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impact on their life.

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The path of least resistance doesn't get

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you there.

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Life is about who you're becoming.

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Are you becoming the man you promised you

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would be on your wedding day?

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Look,

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I know that there are men listening to

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this program that are divorced or

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separated and on their way to divorce.

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What does that mean for you?

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It's not too late.

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for you to become the man you promised

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that you would be,

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even if you're divorced because you might

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be looking forward to getting into another

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relationship someday.

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And you want to meet whoever that woman

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is,

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you want to meet her as complete and

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as healthy as humanly possible so you

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become a positive part of this

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relationship and you don't carry your

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baggage from the past into that

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relationship.

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So I encourage you

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to take this challenge with me.

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The longer a man delays change,

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the more difficult it can be to recover

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momentum.

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And I think it's very important we talk

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about that thing, momentum.

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I've been talking about it in my

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professional life.

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I've been talking about it in this

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podcast.

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I'm going to ask you,

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whatever you're doing,

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just take a minute to pause and listen

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here because I believe there's a lot of

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value in what I'm getting ready to tell

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you.

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I had to learn this particular piece for

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myself.

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When you make a decision to change your

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life,

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it is incredibly important that you know

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that that is a very big deal because

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it's like something cosmic happens when

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you make a decision,

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something as simple as a choice.

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Because let's think about this.

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The choices you've made one by one to

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this point have gotten you where you are.

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So how meaningful are those choices that

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you have made?

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So here's something that I had to learn.

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It took me the course,

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I guess the course of my lifetime,

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if I'm being honest about it,

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but it took me about three years in

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my professional life to understand this.

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And that is momentum is invisible.

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Hear me when I say this,

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whether it's your professional life or

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it's your personal life.

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When you endeavor to do something

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different,

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you turn around and you start to move

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against the current.

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You're going to feel resistance.

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That's natural.

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You should feel that because you've been

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cruising the path of least resistance.

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Now you're going to turn around and start

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walking the other way.

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So what happens is you start to build

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momentum,

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but you can't see it because there's no

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tangible evidence that your life and the

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decisions you're making are changing.

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It's all an internal combustion.

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It's all happening on the inside.

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So that momentum starts to build.

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Every day you make a commitment and you

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make choices to become that new man.

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And you don't see it in the beginning.

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But the longer you stick to the process,

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the longer you stick to doing what you

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know to do,

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to doing what you know is right,

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the more momentum you begin to build.

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So it takes time for this momentum to

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build in such a way where you feel

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the wave of

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and the payoff crash onto the beach.

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It takes time to build momentum.

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It is invisible in the beginning.

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And all too often,

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we will quit because we think nothing is

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changing, when in reality,

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we've quit too soon,

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so the momentum starts to regress.

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So the goal is to make choices

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and execute on those choices in spite of

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how you feel about it.

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We don't go according to our feelings when

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we are changing our life,

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when we are working towards becoming

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disciplined with our life,

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when we are working towards

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transformation.

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We must go on process.

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We must go on what the commitment is.

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And you are going to feel resistance

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because you're going against the grain.

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You're moving against the current.

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It's natural.

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And I want you to know this too.

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For too long,

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I used perfection as an excuse.

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I didn't know it.

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until it became so evident in my life.

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You can use perfection as a reason to

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procrastinate.

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You can use perfection as a reason to

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quit.

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And so I had to fire perfection in

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my life.

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And I had to,

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it was incumbent upon me to adapt the

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principle of excellence because excellence

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is achievable.

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It's not perfect.

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but it's achievable.

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So we set out every day to live

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a life of excellence,

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whether people are watching us or they are

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not.

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We set out to execute in the most

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excellent way we can,

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because we're going to do this whether we

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feel like we should or not,

:: 18:28

whether we're feeling the vibe that day or

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we're not.

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We are going to execute.

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It's a decision.

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It's a commitment to the process.

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And that is extremely important.

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So the question is here,

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what am I supposed to do about this?

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What if you find yourself right here?

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What if you're like, oh my Lord,

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this guy's talking about me.

:: 18:56

What are you supposed to do?

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So here I've got something very simple,

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very practical.

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I live by the KISS principle.

:: 19:05

Keep it super simple.

:: 19:08

Although it can be pretty complicated

:: 19:09

sometimes.

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I'm going to narrow it down to one,

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two, three,

:: 19:16

four words that start with the letter D.

:: 19:20

And the last word, man,

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I'm hung up on,

:: 19:23

so I might use both.

:: 19:24

Number one, decide.

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Make a decision.

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When I made a decision in that living

:: 19:31

life by design and I found out who

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I was is not who I had to

:: 19:34

be, I made a declaration.

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And that declaration is,

:: 19:38

I am a new man.

:: 19:40

And you have to believe in things before

:: 19:42

you become things.

:: 19:44

You have to build internal credibility

:: 19:46

with yourself before you become something.

:: 19:48

You have to build trust back with you.

:: 19:51

It is a must.

:: 19:53

How do you do that?

:: 19:54

I can help you do that.

:: 19:57

So it starts with a decision.

:: 19:59

Make a choice.

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The next thing I'm going to ask you

:: 20:01

to do is I'm going to ask you

:: 20:03

to define where you are.

:: 20:06

Take some time to evaluate the man that

:: 20:09

you are.

:: 20:10

Observe yourself.

:: 20:11

Not just when things are good,

:: 20:13

but when people talk to you and you

:: 20:15

start to overreact, observe yourself.

:: 20:18

Evaluate who you are and how you act.

:: 20:24

Number three, design.

:: 20:27

This is when you decide who you want

:: 20:28

to be.

:: 20:29

You go through that funeral experience

:: 20:31

that I've talked about all too often.

:: 20:34

Maybe not often enough, but you design,

:: 20:37

who the heck do I want to be?

:: 20:41

And next,

:: 20:43

you demonstrate that with excellence.

:: 20:45

You go and you execute your plan.

:: 20:50

And I was caught up between the word

:: 20:52

demonstrate or deploy.

:: 20:54

Because I want action out of you.

:: 20:57

I want consistent action.

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That's the thing to get you on the

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path.

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On the path of resistance.

:: 21:12

Because that is where you belong.

:: 21:17

You belong walking against the grain.

:: 21:21

because you've been comfortable for too

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long.

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How do I know this?

:: 21:26

Quincy,

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how do you know what you're talking about?

:: 21:31

I'll say it again because I used to

:: 21:32

be you.

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That's why you see this passion in me.

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That's why you feel this intensity coming

:: 21:38

through the microphone.

:: 21:39

That's why you see it on my face

:: 21:41

when I'm talking because I know the value

:: 21:43

in being both men.

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I know the value it brings my family.

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being this new man to my wife and

:: 21:54

to my children and also in my professional

:: 21:57

life i know the value of choosing what's

:: 22:01

necessary rather than what's easy and we

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need more men in this culture in this

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society to do that on behalf of their

:: 22:11

families it is extremely important

:: 22:17

that we reprioritize ourself and we put

:: 22:21

our family first.

:: 22:22

That is our first ministry, is our family.

:: 22:27

And being comfortably miserable is not

:: 22:30

going to get you there.

:: 22:31

What that's going to get you is blame

:: 22:33

shifting and blaming other people for why

:: 22:36

you act the way you do,

:: 22:38

blaming other people for why you are where

:: 22:41

you are in life.

:: 22:45

And that's not going to lead you to

:: 22:46

the path of success.

:: 22:47

Is it going to be easy?

:: 22:47

No.

:: 22:48

And it shouldn't be easy because you've

:: 22:51

been doing easy for too long.

:: 22:54

But is it worth it?

:: 22:55

That is the one question that you ask.

:: 22:57

Is it worth it?

:: 22:59

And it's much like my dad in the

:: 23:00

seventies told me in my forties about

:: 23:04

getting a knee replacement.

:: 23:06

If I would have known it would have

:: 23:08

been this good,

:: 23:10

I would have done it sooner.

:: 23:13

And that's a very practical example of

:: 23:17

what I'm telling you here.

:: 23:19

It's not going to be easy,

:: 23:22

but it is going to be worth it.

:: 23:26

You have my word.

:: 23:29

So let's look at this.

:: 23:30

The path of least resistance feels easier

:: 23:32

in the moment, but over time,

:: 23:35

it compounds into regret.

:: 23:39

What do you know about compound interest?

:: 23:41

That's what it's doing to regret.

:: 23:44

Both choices require suffering.

:: 23:48

But the question is simple.

:: 23:50

Which suffering moves you closer to the

:: 23:53

man you want to become?

:: 23:57

That is the question I want to leave

:: 23:59

you with today.

:: 24:02

I want to remind you.

:: 24:04

If this is a path that you are

:: 24:06

willing to take,

:: 24:08

don't let perfection get in the way.

:: 24:12

As long as your intention is pure and

:: 24:14

your motivation is pure,

:: 24:17

you will begin to live a standard of

:: 24:19

excellence.

:: 24:21

It's what you do when nobody's looking.

:: 24:24

It's what you do when nobody's listening.

:: 24:28

And it's how you execute on a daily

:: 24:30

basis.

:: 24:32

It's what your convictions are,

:: 24:33

and you start to build those values,

:: 24:36

those principles, and those convictions.

:: 24:39

And it becomes a labor of love.

:: 24:43

So once again, if you find yourself there,

:: 24:48

make a decision.

:: 24:52

Define and evaluate who you are and what

:: 24:55

got you there.

:: 24:56

Take responsibility.

:: 24:59

The next is design.

:: 25:01

You want to design and define the man

:: 25:04

that you want to be.

:: 25:06

And then it comes down to demonstration.

:: 25:09

Go and demonstrate that.

:: 25:11

And you have to do it without wanting

:: 25:16

the attaboys.

:: 25:17

You have to do it without the attaboys

:: 25:19

in the beginning that so many of us

:: 25:21

need to feel affirmed.

:: 25:25

But you're here to do the work.

:: 25:27

You're here to do the work,

:: 25:30

and it is worth it, bro.

:: 25:32

I promise you it is worth it.

:: 25:37

So now the ball is in your court.

:: 25:38

How can I help you?

:: 25:39

My name is Quincy Moran.

:: 25:41

My email, quincy at mvsmpodcast.com.

:: 25:48

Go check out quincymoran.com.

:: 25:51

Newly revamped.

:: 25:52

It's got all kinds of great information.

:: 25:54

Do you want me to come and speak

:: 25:55

where you are?

:: 25:56

You can look me up there.

:: 26:00

If you have a question,

:: 26:02

you have a comment,

:: 26:04

let me know how I can help you.

:: 26:06

Use that email address,

:: 26:07

quincyatmvsmpodcast.com.

:: 26:10

I'm interested to get your feedback on

:: 26:11

this.

:: 26:14

And I ask you this one last thing,

:: 26:16

or I will ask you this thing.

:: 26:21

Because this show has made an impact on

:: 26:22

you,

:: 26:24

will you share it with someone you think

:: 26:26

could benefit from it?

:: 26:29

Would you be so kind as to share

:: 26:30

this show?

:: 26:32

Would you be willing to rate and review

:: 26:35

this show so that we can grow this

:: 26:37

platform and we can continue to impact the

:: 26:40

lives of men around the world?

:: 26:43

I would greatly appreciate that.

:: 26:47

So that is all, guys.

:: 26:48

Thank you for being here.

:: 26:50

Thank you for listening.

:: 26:51

I'm looking forward to hearing from you.

:: 26:53

I want to hear your testimonies about how

:: 26:55

life is changing.

:: 26:56

It might get ugly before it gets better,

:: 26:59

but we're here to endure and to stay

:: 27:02

the course.

:: 27:04

All right, fellas,

:: 27:05

that is it for this episode of Man

:: 27:06

Vs. Marriage.

:: 27:07

I'm your host, Quincy Moran, a.k.a.

:: 27:11

The Q-Dog.

:: 27:13

And this is Man Vs. Marriage, the podcast.